20100109

Saturday, January 09, 2010

I read history as it is written, from right to left. But, that is not to say that it is logically impossible for this to alter. It’s imaginable that an oppressive group could seize power over the whole of humanity, for a virtually eternal amount of time, arresting or reversing the liberalization of humanity. And, as power concentrates, and those with it tend to accumulate more and relinquish none, it is documented in history that liberalizing forces, from time to time, arrest, break down and reverse this accumulation when it becomes unfit. The overall trend of forward motion, however, is one that moves from chaos to order, and oppression to freedom simultaneously, despite the fact that these dichotomies are not always aligned. So, this cycle moves humanity, throughout the history of western civilization, as aforementioned, from right to left, with the whole of humanity being afforded greater and more equal freedom, due in large part to the progress of humanist morality, or rather, human morality. And, it also moves from chaos to order, simplicity to elegance, due in large part to the power exercised by individuals or organizations.

§

James Cameron’s, Avatar, was not simply a social commentary on the U.S. use of military force to secure energy resources without regard to established culture or human life, but clearly on planetary ecology as well. I have long sympathized with this message of a need for human integration into nature, and efficient symbiosis, rather than domination and exploitation. This was absolutely clear to me even as a teenager. And, I sense that the zeitgeist is shifting from one of individualism, selfishness, and domination—which perhaps saw its peak in the late 90’s—to one of integration, cooperation, and compassion. However this global organism moves, if it moves by the influence human nature, it will move in the direction that favors the most humans the most, for the longest amount of time. In our sociological development, we’ve become better planners, able to consider long term plans and consequences, further into the future, as our supplementation of memory and thought increases with technology. This, combined with the unifying forces of communication and social networking technology, has allowed us to awaken to those practices which have been contrary to our efficiency, as well as to our humanity. And, despite the decreasing numbers of people who deny or resist this progress, it will continue as long as there are humanists among us.

§

The displacement of human labor, of jobs, by technology is not a new phenomenon, the quintessential example being the Luddites and the mechanized loom. Today we hear often about the rapid, perhaps even exponential improvement and development of technology, which translates in some areas, to the rapid, perhaps exponential replacement of human jobs by machines. All the while, the population of the world continues to increase, as our medical knowledge and ability, as well as our ability in agriculture improves due to technology also. The fact that we presently have the ability to meet the kilocalorie per day requirements for all humans alive is another issue. But, more and more people continue to become unemployed due to job replacing technologies, and this trend shows no sign of reversing. Where are these jobs going? Either they go to unskilled labor, the service sector, or the unemployment line, diminishing the middle class. This leads many people to denounce technology, as did the Luddites. But, technology is not the enemy of our collective happiness or our progress; it rather lends itself to these. Unless something alters, this trend will lead to a critical mass of sorts, where the numerous unemployed people of diminishing social and economic class will be forced to take action, or die. Could this possibly lead to something like Marx’s proletariat revolution?

§

Maybe there are some things over which we should exercise our influence, and others that we should let run their course, free from manipulation.

20090819

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Today I had the opportunity to speak to some people from the GAO, which is a panel that interviews, observes, and reports to congress about manning and training issues in government organizations. In a nutshell, I told them that, with the manning now reduced in the Navy, the material condition, as well as the morale of the personnel has been impacted, and that the personnel are expected to meet expectations that were set at a time when the manning was sufficient to meet those expectations. Either the expectations should change, or the manning should change, but to keep expecting things to work as effectively, efficiently, and the people to be as enthusiastic about working for the Navy while continuing to reduce the man-power is unreasonable. I understand the budget constraints and human resources alone are the biggest draw on the budget itself, but the system needs some streamlining in order to operate efficiently. Right now, it is bound for breakdown.

I couldn’t really express to the people the stress and discontent that I feel about working 60-80 hours a week while receiving little or no praise, and little or no support in my personal endeavors. But, I believe at least one of the panel members really felt some compassion for our situation. Afterwards he shook my hand and gave a reassuring look, as he wished me luck and told me he was going to take his notes back to Washington. Apparently one of the ladies there, the leader of the panel, I assume, was the DOD civilian equivalent of an Admiral. I hope they do positively impact congress, and influence them to make some intelligent decisions that will improve the Navy.

The Executive Officer on board VANDEGRIFT assured me that it will be years, if not over a decade before we see results from that panel, if any. But then I think how 100% of congress is Christian, and I fear that their intelligent decision making ability is more prone to emotion and preference of ideology than to actual efficiency, based on human nature.

I feel good about the future again, for once. I am not so concerned with a vehicle, or so apathetic about improving conditions at home, at work, or with my health and fitness. I am starting to fight the uphill battle again, which is the only way to get up. The only other choice is down, or stagnation, which is only another way of looking at moving down—it simply seems that the world is moving past while you don’t move at all.

It seems to me that the ups and downs are all part of the evolutionary process, and that all evolutions follow a similar pattern of creation, to destruction, to creation from that destruction.

As long as I ease human suffering, both directly, by who I am on a daily basis, and residually, through the long and short term effects of my actions, I am fulfilling my (self-designated) purpose.

20090806

Thursday, August 06, 2009

It’s been a long time since I have written anything. I don’t even know where to start. So much has happened, and so many plans have fizzled out or been forgotten. I don’t even know why I am writing. Will anyone ever read this? I used to envision people reading my journals and analyzing my thoughts long after my death, but I suppose that’s my arrogance kicking in. I used to tell myself it was only confidence, that I would make a difference in the world and everyone would know and remember me, and see me as a genius. I am not the overconfident person I used to be. But, I do feel like I performed much more efficiently and effectively at whatever it was I was doing in that mode. I don’t know if I will go back to that or not. I do know that I don’t like where I have navigated in life, or who I am, currently. I know I have to initiate some radical changes, and transcend the lifestyle of mundane degeneration I have adopted for myself lately. I never thought I was like most people, content to sit and watch the latest sitcom, repeating some insipid job that would be better performed by a robot, feeding into the money-making machine, where some unscrupulous asshole collects surplus capital produced by my labor, while I struggle to pay bills and feed my kids. I always knew I wasn’t into that, and growing up, I rebelled against it in some pretty unintelligent ways; I fucked around a lot and didn’t really get anywhere, but I did dream big. Eventually, when I joined the US Navy, I started to really pursue a few of those big dreams, putting foundations and support structures under those castles in the sky. But, I have always felt utterly alone in those endeavors. I longed for cooperation, relation, and understanding. I have yet to really experience that. And, I believe that, by making some pivotal choices and directing my life as I have, I’ve ruined my chances of completing those structures, unless I make some changes, now.

I have not been going home much lately. My vehicle broke down and I don’t really enjoy taking the trolley home, or riding my bike to work anymore. I did it for about six months, on and off, but I don’t want to do it anymore. I don’t really want to do much. I am tired of struggling and not really making much noticeable progress, and encountering increasing resistance every step of the way. People’s advice, though usually well intended, doesn’t contribute in the least to any solid step I could make toward recovery from the catastrophe that is my life lately. I fear, as with every other time conditions have gotten rough, that I am going to have to fix it, improve it, and move on alone, with little or no cooperation, and over-stress myself until I break down again. Is that the way life goes? It should not be like this. The only feeling I have about that sort of execution of human life, is deep despair.

I have done my utmost to be a positive, constructive, creative, contribution to society—one that improves circumstances, not only for myself, but for others, for society itself; I even dedicated years of my life in an attempt to facilitate the improvement of two human beings in dire condition—but I have nearly destroyed my ability to succeed and flourish in the process. I have definitely destroyed my motivation to go on in pursuit of my dreams. And, I feel like my sacrifice was worthless and stupid. I feel that I made a terrible choice, and that I would have and could have better served the world, and myself, by avoiding my compassion completely. But, that’s also what I feel is the greatest hindrance to humanism, and the furthering of human ethics. People don’t give a shit about each-other, and when they do, they get taken advantage of, and suffer for it. It reminds me of that e.e. cummings poem about humanity. I love people, but I hate them for being so stupid. And, I guess that goes for me as well.

I am sorry for not giving my kids a better life. I really wish I could have provided more for them. I didn’t do my best until it was too late, and then, while I was doing more than superman himself could have done, over-achieving and pushing hard to make more money, to learn, and to do well, my efforts were continuously degraded by fucked up people, and a fucked up system that doesn’t give a shit about anyone.

The thing I like about free-market libertarianism, Ayn Rand, and conservative political philosophy of people in the US is that it invokes a sense of personal capability, initiative, responsibility, and worth. But, I don’t agree that altruism or egalitarianism is a hindrance to social progress, or even personal progress. The fact that some people are paying $500 for face creams, or pumping hundreds of dollars a month of gas—lining the pockets of people who openly hate America, and the Americans who are in bed with them—into their unnecessarily oversized SUVs, polluting the air their children will be breathing after they’ve killed themselves by smoking cigarettes, while other people are literally eating trash out of dumpsters, makes me angry. And that’s what over-adherence to that philosophy has produced. Of course, it also produced a lot of wealth for our society, but, apparently, if my ship is throwing thousands of pounds of food in the garbage and pumping into the ocean on a weekly basis, not to mention spending hundreds of thousands of dollars on gas on a weekly basis, we are not being very responsible or intelligent about using that wealth. Better yet, if we are using that wealth to trick people into thinking that some ridiculous herbs will make them live longer and lose weight without exercise, or that because some celebrity said they used a brand of makeup, it will somehow make them more nearly attractive or personable as that celebrity, only to dupe them out of giving up their money, then we are not being responsible with our wealth. Usury is ubiquitous, customary even, in American society. We pride ourselves on kicking people’s asses, legally robbing them, and putting the less deserving in their place—underneath. So we’ve essentially reduced ourselves to a bunch of crabs in one giant bucket. Who cares if you get out? Your brethren are still struggling, and dying in there, and you might have stepped on them or pulled them down in the process. Unfortunate circumstances befall people, the future is not clear, and people make bad decisions that lead to hardship. There’s no reason to leave them to die of disease or starvation in the street, or struggle seeking remedy for their pain alone.

It’s more than halfway through 2009 now, and I have great hope for the future. I just have lost a lot of the hope for my own. I would have liked to be born about fifty years from now, or maybe further, depending on how much we’ve progressed. It seems that visionaries and optimistic artists are always overestimating how fast we’ll progress as a species. Humans are cursed with an animal nature that they have symbolized in demons, devils, and evil spirits. I don’t believe in any of those symbols actually existing, only that they are anthropomorphized icons of that instinct in human nature which drives people to dominate one another. We can wash our hands of this, and that is my hope for the future.

"The real advantages that should result from this progress, of which we can entertain a hope that is almost a certainty, can have no other term than that of the absolute perfection of the human race; since, as the various kinds of equality come to work in its favor by producing ampler sources of supply, more extensive education, more complete liberty, so equality will be more real and will embrace everything which is really of importance for the happiness of human beings ....

The time will therefore come when the sun will shine only on free men who know no other master but their reason; when tyrants and slaves, priests and their stupid or hypocritical instruments will exist only in works of history and on the stage; and when we shall think of them only to pity their victims and their dupes; to maintain ourselves in a state of vigilance by thinking on their excesses; and to learn how to recognize and so to destroy, by force of reason, the first seeds of tyranny and superstition, should they ever dare to reappear among us."

-Marquis de Condorcet (1744-1794)

Some people might say this is only a lofty dream. I can’t think of a more noble purpose to which to dedicate one’s life.

As is demonstrated by my life thus far, we can strive to force-feed our vision and values to other people, even if we think that’s what’s best for them, but they’ll resist it. They have to find their own way. And if they are unwilling to relinquish their usurious, parasitic behavior, they can never be absolved as humans. I have stupidly spent years of my life in the pursuit of the impossible, as noble a cause as it were. And, I know that my wife and children have benefited from the fruits of my labor, but has it been worth the cost? Has the cost been necessary? Has the suffering been necessary?

I don’t think so. And I don’t blame only myself, or them, but everyone. The human world is juvenile, continuously infantilized by our damnable instincts and stubborn resistance to or rejection of cooperation and foresight.

I can’t bear to live any longer with these lazy, stupid people I love, and that love me as well, while we punish each other with our desires, demands, and judgments.

I tried.

I don't want to give up.

20100101

Friday, January 01, 2010

2010 is the year it all turns around. The past two years were a rumination process, really. I went through some difficult trials but it all radically altered my perspective. I’ve been doing some reflection on it all lately. Before, despite my success, I was sympathetic to an egomaniacal, individualistic outlook. I was vying for a right-wing libertarian lifestyle, out-of-hand rejecting any collectivist notions that I suspected of harboring or defending a lifestyle of dependency. Much of my life relates directly to my relationship with Liz. My humanity took her, and while, at the time, I believed that my example of independent strength and will, along with my financial support, was more than enough to enable her to be independent and strong as well. But, I overlooked or underestimated the psychological underpinnings of her tendency towards dependency. And, I can compare this on a global scale, to my attitudes, and popular attitudes about the lower classes, the homeless, the mentally ill, the disabled, many of the elderly, or the socially and economically disadvantaged in general. And, my change of heart was much to the benefit of personal relationships.

Although, during this period I did turn-off my self-confidence and turn-down my spirited mission for personal progress and to make a contribution to social progress, but this was, however subconsciously, induced because my overconfidence and self-importance was not in agreement with the character of my self-proclaimed purpose: Kaizen, betterment of self, inspiration of others, influencing social improvement. The ripples can make waves, and I have long known that my influence does fashion the course of history, and influence the whole of it—potentially influencing great shifts in direction. However, as I looked to this idea as a source of inspiration, I resorted to a form of solipsism, exalting myself above the majority of humanity and becoming unsympathetic to their barriers to self-actualization. When I was studying Buddhism, I read that when the bodhisattvas reach Nirvana, they then return to the suffering world to enlighten others, bringing them to Nirvana, with a goal of bringing all beings to this state. During the time of my life when I was coming into my own independence and exercising my abilities to the fullest, I felt like a Bodhisattva who had reached Nirvana, gotten a taste of the power of full self-expression, but while reveling in the power it afforded me, I had forgotten about everyone else. Well, that’s not enlightenment. It makes sense that the bodhisattvas have to come back, because leaving the world behind, or dominating it, isn’t enlightenment—it isn’t productive or positively powerful. It’s much easier to get one’s self to the point where they are fully self-expressed and engaged in self-actualization, than it is to get someone else there. And that is, in my case, as I suspect is similar to all humans, because of my tendency to overlook or be unsympathetic to any foreign psychological condition, obstructing any possibility for relation. And, relationship is integral to mutual inquiry, connection, and experience.

So, the last couple paragraphs, on this page, literally, and in my life, metaphorically, have been a development of how independence and personal power, when worshipped as the highest of all virtues, are not conducive to social excellence. This might seem straightforward and easy to understand for a child: Selfishness simply favors the self over all else, including family members, future generations, and humanity itself. It’s short sighted, because the current span of a human life is little more than a century, at best.

There is something to be said about the positive ideas I retained from that time period, which was from about 2005 to 2008. I learned how to be myself, to trust myself, and to know that I was capable of accomplishing much more than I ever seriously imagined myself to be able to do. Sure, I had heard it from my parents and teachers and people who loved me, but this was the time period where I really tested it out, and found that it was certainly true: I was powerful. And, I doubt if anything worthwhile—as far as goal-reaching and self-actualization goes—could be accomplished without an embrace of self-confidence a healthy development of one’s ego (“one’s ego” is redundant), because, without being aware of my own ability, it would surely be difficult for me to use it. So, contrary to Zen, total annihilation of the ego is not conducive to social progress, at least at this point in our technological development. I use “ego” in the sense of self-opinion or consciousness of one’s own personality, rather than the pejorative meaning—selfishness. To be self-expressed and self-actualized, a person needs to be aware of their self. But, the lesson I have learned here is this: I live for others just as much as I live for myself. If I become unbalanced or out of agreement with my core in my conscious approach to goal-fulfillment or goal-selection, I will return to balance, perhaps against the will of my ego.

Perhaps the ego is more a tool of the base of self, which is not fully expressed in conscious thought, than I previously considered it to be. Maybe the subconscious mind is not a tool to be used by the conscious, but the consciousness wielded by direction of a deeper, fuller, more stable, and interconnected purpose lying in the subconscious.

I have some more thoughts on how religion ties into all of this as well, and some plans I have for the future, concerning religion, writing, personal relationships, and business. But, I will write more about these later.

20080430

Never stop pushing for progress.

Humanity in this world, as advanced as it may seem, has quite some way to go in its development.

There are those who are not consciously aware that their actions are detrimental to humanity. It is our responsibility, those of us who are enlightened enough to recognize this, to educate and inspire these people to contribute beyond themselves.

There is suffering, and it is our duty to alleviate it, if we are able. There is starvation, and it is our duty to provide food, if we are able. There is malevolence, and it is our duty to counteract it, if we are able. There is ignorance, and it is our duty to teach, if we are able. There is disease, and it is our duty to cure it, if we are able.

We will find a way, if we press on.

But to sit idly by and contribute nothing, to refuse to strive, is to be no better than the malevolent, the torturous, and the disruptors of our harmony. There are those who, anonymously, in darkness, endeavor to see humanity die. And even more numerous are those who harm humanity and hinder our progress through their selfish and foolish actions. And if we do nothing, these forces will overcome. Everyone is guilty of the contribution they didn’t make. Everyone is at fault for the time and opportunities they had to contribute to the world which they wasted. Everyone is guilty of the good they didn’t do.

Life is best spent in contribution to others. Without that connection, one is consumed by their self-serving nature, like a dark star, stealing the light of others, and stealing the light of the world.

Go beyond the lonely planet of the self, venture out, and light up the worlds of others.

There is darkness. And it is our duty to dispel it, if we are able.

20080325

3/25/2008

Which type of human is the best human?

When contemplating this question I began to think about some previous aspirations of mine. I always strived to be the best at something, although I never knew quite what it should be. At one point I had settled on becoming the best fighter through practicing mixed martial arts, which has become a style in itself, as well practicing many other styles and educating myself on their history and principles. This undertaking was short lived after I dislocated my right elbow. I believe this choice was inspired by Bruce Lee, as well as the many successful martial art enthusiasts I became familiar with after I discovered him.

Anyways, it seems to me that modern mixed martial artists in competition are set up to be similar to gladiators, though to a lesser degree of severity in violence. This level of excellence in martial arts takes dedication so extreme that little, if anything, can be a part of one’s life.

I always rejected such specialization, personally. My inspirations and aspirations reach far into many areas of thinking and possibility. To dedicate my life to only one of these would be a waste. If there is a specialty in achieving many things at once that contribute to improving the quality of living, health and wellness, and to the progress of humanity, then this would be mine.

Now we are in Cagayan De Oro, here to strengthen our relations with the Philippines. It’s been a long day already with more work to come, after which we’ll hopefully get a chance to relax and maybe pick up a few things in town. Liberty is restricted due to the high possibility of terrorist attack.