20090112

Monday, January 12, 2009

The thing I hate the most about the navy is a supervisor’s ability to diminish someone without the risk of retribution. In most situations, people will not diminish others so openly for fear of attack or other retaliation. My ideas are good, and I seek to improve myself, my work environment, which subsequently can cause others to benefit. Too often though, I’m reproached for my proactive and independent character. Senior Chief Craig Apodaca is the main negative influence in my life, and in the division. His leadership style is detrimental to peoples’ mental health.

Today the LAN was taken down at work and I knew that we had to move our computers over to the barge to be able to use them later, as the network was being moved to the barge. But, when Craig found out that I had moved a computer, he asked me why I was doing it without his permission. I told him because I knew it had to be done, and he disagreed saying we can lock them up. I told him that we had to move them if we wanted to use them and asked where I put the computer. I told him I put it in the OPS office, and he said that that office was for the OPS officer. I said, “ok, where do you want me to move it?” And he yelled, “WELL THANKS FOR ASKING, BOATS!” and continued to affront me for the action, rather than answer my question. After he was done, I told him that the area that we used the last time we had a barge of that type was taken by the engineers. He then pointed out an area, and I said, “OK, I’ll put them there.” He then told some other people that he wanted to computers there, but, beforehand, didn’t want the computers moved at all. He effectively adopted my idea while diminishing the fact that I took the individual initiative to turn that idea into reality. I have a long list of occurrences like this documented from our previous deployment, along with dates and details.

I am tired of dealing with serpentine behavior of that nature; he is a repeat offender, in the most literal sense of the word “offender”. He offends, demeans, suppresses, and projects negativity onto anyone who works for him. His behavior is destructive to the motivation of his subordinates, as he treats them like despicable and undeserving objects; interacting with him causes me more stress than it’s worth, and usually keeps me from doing my job. I am not willing to be proactive and improve a situation in which this person is involved, as he is a counter-productive force, a squanderer of my intelligence, a destroyer of my individuality, and a suppressor of my self-expression and personal freedom. His leadership style is not conducive to my creativity, my initiative, my drive, my industrious work ethic, and my proactive and positive approach to leadership. Our styles of leadership and management are diametrically opposed. He preaches “respect up and down the chain of command,” but treats those under him with little, if any, respect, and is infuriated when he does not receive it from them. He is a terrible leader, in my opinion; and, he has cultivated negative attitudes in everyone who works for him. I am certain that more than ¾, if not all of the personnel who work under him (and possibly all those who have worked under him) would agree that his approach is not only unwelcome, it’s counter-productive, and somehow upset them, or even caused them serious mental distress. Deck seamen desire nothing more than to escape, and so do I. I did extremely well before he arrived, but since he has, he’s been stifling my success, and detracting from others’ recognition of it. I can deal with so much. But, I feel that to continue to endure this maltreatment, about which I feel I can do NOTHING, would be a stupid and self-sacrificing decision. One of us has to go, as I am unwilling to reconcile our differences, and unwilling to continue to produce value for an operation of which he is “in charge.” So, I have determined that I am putting in package for DIVE, as well as my STA21. Until then, I will concentrate only on endeavors outside of my division.

Other than that, I am making significant improvements. I have completed two classes in pursuit of my degree, and now taking an Anatomy and Physiology class. I have to make up my NC Pace course due to negligence on the part of our last Educational Services Officer, but I am confident that I can perform well, if the exam materials show up in time. I am in communication with the school who administered the course materials, and I will work out whatever I can with them. I also plan to request temporary assigned duty at the Naval Hospital in San Diego, so I can improve my medical knowledge and maybe get some connections that will help with STA21. Based on the past, I doubt that my command will support me on that. So I will have to base my actions on the future rather than the past.

I downloaded quite a bit of music production/mixing software that I am working with. I haven’t learned much yet, but it’s a step in the direction I want to go. I also started writing my goals for 2009. I did them a little differently this time, grouping them into areas of focus, like Business, Family, Health/Fitness, Navy Career, and etcetera. I haven’t completed it yet, but I am going to do that tonight, and really get the plans laid out. I am tired of screwing around and spinning my wheels, wearing myself out needlessly. So I am going to have the major accomplishments underneath the areas of focus, which involve longer-term goals, and then have individual actions and milestones (with timelines) for each accomplishment. This year I am going to draft business plans and submit them, at least for my ideas for the club-cam, and the pest control project. I also am going to start writing my “kaizen” book, and draft the Navy Movie, as well as collect the thoughts and entries I have written to and organize them for eventually use in a formal book of philosophy. I’ll also finish up the paperwork for immigration and adoption. I am going to submit another STA21 package, and also submit one for Dive school. One way or another, I have to go somewhere where I am not squelched by others’ commitment to proving human existence to be a depraved one, or at least not have to work for those who have that commitment—or those who have no commitment to the exaltation and improvement of humanity, beginning (and perhaps even ending) with the self. If someone does not have that as a foundation, I don’t want to deal with them.

I have also been reading and thinking about philosophy lately, and even writing a bit about it. I selected that as a minor for my degree, but it will be something in which I am deeply involved and active. I think it is important for everyone, and those who neglect it, neglect the fundamentals of their character and their deeply personal development of it. They leave that undefined, only to be defined by whomever, or to whomever or whatever they’ll define it in response. But, if it is not defined by the determination of one’s own mind, their character is more superficial, less profound, and less personal. There has never been a self-made person who did not have a deliberate, personally developed philosophy. In other words, there has never been a self-made person who did not make their self, quite literally and deliberately.

Tomorrow, I start riding my bike to work again, and working out full-steam. I think that will have a great positive effect on my motivation, confidence, and productivity.